Quick Links
Calendar
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat
|
Categories
Archives
XML/RSS Feed
Statistics
Total entries in this blog:
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Jun 23, 2007 08:38 PM
|
The Trial of Lindy Chamberlain
This essay was written in the 1980's, after Lindy
Chamberlain had been jailed for the murder of her infant daughter, Azaria, who
had been taken by a dingo at Uluru (Ayers Rock). It seeks to expose the
ridiculous logic which conspired to put an innocent mother in jail.
"Wadda you guys reckon about this Chamberlain
case?" asked Parklands Pete, wiping a grubby sleeve across his mouth and passing
the bottle of cheap plonk on."Guilty
as hell!" roared Troppo, snatching the bottle, gulping greedily, and repeating,
"Guilty as hell!""Not guilty!" growled
their other companion, Dynamite Dave, "Indisputedly innocent! Gissa
drink!""Tell yez wot," said Pete,
who'd always fancied himself high court judge material, "We'll have us a trial
right now - Troppo for the proshecushon, Dynamite Dave for the defense, and
meself on the bench." (He had already served for many years on the bench, but
only for sleeping).The trial began
immediately, with Troppo lurching fiercely into the prosecution
case."Yore 'oner," he began, "This
leery loony Lindy has guilt written all all over the newspapers, and in a number
of important public opinion polls to boot. If that aint democracy an the free
press in action, then what the helliz?" He paused - rather dramatically he
thought. "Let me trackback on the facts, as the tracker said to the Ranger. The
aforesaid previously mentioned began her evil incursion into infanticide during
the day preceding the crime, when she cleverly pretended to be nursing a doll,
which she was pretending to be a substitute for the departed Azaria, who she had
not actually killed yet. This diabolical diversion was later to police the force
into changing their whole
story."Troppo paused for refreshment,
and marvelled at how smoothly and precisely the facts were dancing off his
tongue."Later that night Mz
Chamberlain left the camp fire, obstrepiously to open a can of baked beans, and
moments later this archangel of armageddon stood alone in a dark hole of
despair; her arms held a can of baked beans wrapped in a disposable matinee
jacket - and the can opener was never seen again!
"Frenzic scientists were later able to
prove that the vomit on the missing can opener was compatible with not being
vomit at all - but missing blood - and on the basis of probabilities, this
missing blood could well be foetal, providing one got the right person to
conduct the test.""In the ensuing
confusion, her husband Michael was able to substitute fake dingo tracks for
those of Lindy, who at the time was eating the beans, substituting the baby, and
burying the matinee jacket in the camera
bag."Troppo's tidal wave of testimony
crashed on to its final conclusion."I
implore yore 'oner, to consider the facts, to digest the facts, and to belch out
incomprehensible justice in the manner to which we are accustomed!"
Flushed with euphoria and plonk,
Troppo raised his arms to the God of vengeance, and fell
arse-over-head.
"Yore 'oner," began Dynamite
Dave for the defense, "This preposterous prosecution pursues punctilliously,
percillious profanities! The truth has been booted about like a leperous dingo
with aids! We demand, we expect, and we are confident of an unequivical
aquittal! The defence rests!" And in
saying so, he collapsed on the grass and began
snoring."That," said Parklands Pete,
shaking his head sadly, "is just what the Chamberlain's defense said, nearly
four years ago."
Posted: Thu - September 21, 2006 at 04:17 PM
|